Category Archives: Scattered Thoughts

Mondays Scattered Thoughts

So lately I have been rereading “The Church” by Donald Bloesch (Great Read), and I came to chapter on worship in spirit and truth. By far this is my favorite chapter.  Here is a little tidbit:

“… True worship does not, however, reduce the human subject to nothingness; instead it elevates and edifies us in the knowledge that God is not only our Master but also our friend. Yet God is Master before he is Friend, and it is only as we experience the chasm that seperates us from God that we come to appreciate the irrevocable fact that God has bridged this chasm in Jesus Christ and that he is therefore with us as well as over and against us.

There is nothing new about his thoughts, its more about the way in which he says them. For some reason I keep coming back to the fact that God is my master, he is over me, and sometimes against me, as hard as that may be to wrap my head around . Lately I have allowed a callousness in infect my relationship with others and with God. My intentions were not evil just selfish, I figured I knew what knew and that was all I needed to know.

It wasn’t until this weekend that I really allowed to let it sink in. How? Well, honestly I realized the vitality of proper worship and teaching.  Jami and I attended Lifechurch.tv in Gilbert, AZ yesterday. I was really looking forward to going and hearing Stephen Cole lead worship (if you don’t know, now you know), he didn’t lead this week, but they had a kick A worship set. It was raw, it was infectious, it was intentional. They do teaching through video and it was just great all around. I found God in the midst, not that I had lost him, but it is always good to see him and meet with him. And I was reminded of his awesomeness, his power over me, and it was “Good”.

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Scattered thoughts

For this weeks scattered thougths: Story Telling

I admire people who can tell a good story. I feel they have a very real connection between what they want to say and how it comes out. FOr me I force it a little too much. Not so much trying to impress but to use words in a way that invokes something that resonates inside of people.
I’m learning to branch out a little more. In what I read, in how I listen to people and general rhythms I can pick up on. Its still very difficult for me because I feel as though I am finding my voice still.


So what makes a good story teller?
- is it their tone?
- is it the command of language?
- is it the personality charteristics?
- Facial expressions?

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Scattered Thoughts!

For this Weeks Scattered thoughts: Fishing

My wife and I recently went to Hawaii to visit family for about 5 days. It was a great 5 days. But for one of those days my uncle, his brother and I went out deep sea fishing on their boat. I had gone out the last time with them and had an amazing time. This time I couldn’t wait to get out there.

We cruised out about 2 or 3 miles. As we got out to the buoy we just did some standard fishing (nothing deep). It was calming to be out on the sea and I could tell that my uncle was in his favorite place. And then I started thinking.

What does it mean to be a fisherman? As a way of life I can only imagine it to be frustrating (says the guy from California).  Sometimes you don’t catch anything, sometimes you get a few fish, but every so often you get the big catch. 

So for the first couple of hours we just cruised around the buoy talking about family and traveling. And then it dawned on me. I wonder what these guys would think if they had heard Jesus say to them “Come follow me and I will make you fishers of men”. I sat with that for a while as I stared off into the vastness of the ocean. Then I thought, wait a second what does that mean to me?…

Here’s some thoughts…

1. I feel we need to look constructively at the way we evangelize/witness to people.

- So much of what I have been disgusted with everyone is there ability to memorize but not real thoughts and no heart.  People who haven’t really allowed anything to simmer for a long period of time. I guess Lack of Discipleship?

- Too much of it is forced. I understand the urgency! but I don’t understand the constant bombarding of moral subjugation/oppression. Thats not what Jesus was about.

2. Its not just about telling people about Jesus! Its not just about telling people about Jesus!

- Its about living a life that exemplifies the characteristics of Christ. With all the mess, with all the pain, with all the joy. In its perfect incomplete form. Allowing people to see its not about a set lists of do’s and don’ts but a lifetime (process) of knowning and being known. Whatever that looks like.

3. Its not about pulling people into the church (the physical site location)

- its about teaching people to go out into the world as doctors, lawyers, gas station workers, truck drivers, policemen, CEO’s, stay at home mothers, people who just lost their house and represent Christ. And not even have to tell people the One’s name in which you go. Crazy huh!

 

Still more to come on this post….

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Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

For this weeks Scattered Thoughts:

In light of thanksgiving, which was full of everything imaginable, I am coming to some new process of thankfulness. I know it sounds cliche but tis the season. Much of what I am have made myself accustomed to is the idea that I am working for something. I have a job, I do that job well (very well in my book), I get paid, so therefore I am thankful.  I should also add, I can pay bills on time somewhat.

What if I had nothing? What if I lost my job today?  (I hate to play the What if game but I’ll indulge just  this once) How would I be thankful?

For me its hard to just simplify my thoughts to think/say, “well I’m alive, thats something to be thankful for” or “I have it better than 95% of the world, so hey you should be thankful”

What a western thought that is? Its too shallow for me (thats how I feel) to simplify my thoughts and what I say in that way.

So where am I going with this?

Well God is pushing me around a bit here. Drawing me to take in my own circumstances, the circumstances of others and where he is wanting to lead…. <<<<<<<< This is what I am thankful for…. I’ve just be debunked. He never fails to produce his redirection…

So… I know he provides for me, I am thankful. I know he leads me, I am thankful. I know that he has made me to be type of person to make the right decision (still a process), I am thankful. Not everything is about me, I am thankful.

My Goal is not to be thankful in everything… I couldn’t do that, not honestly. But I’m learning to be thankful in the change. The change of life, thought, relationship, and most importantly the world that surrounds me.

Still processing this…. much more scattered than I thought..

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Monday’s Scattered Thoughts!

I know its Wednesday, but I didn’t have time to finish so here we go….

For the better part of the past two months I have been out of it… Out of touch, out of tune, out of my mind. why? Well it hit me yesterday when I realized my weekend was gone/done/over. It wasn’t something that I hadn’t felt before, on the contrary I feel it every Sunday night. It was me reaching a breaking point of sorts. This is what my body said to me that night…. “you go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go, what did you expect?”,”We’re missing something here, and you know what that is”. So my natural reaction is get down on myself, which never solves anything.

So this is what my body was telling me. You’re losing it! The only reason you are out of touch is because you made the decision to walk that way. You don’t make time for things you need to make time for (e.g. Devotional, worship, proper rest, & Solitude/Silence). You are a poor manager of self. UHHHH…. what am I suppose to do with that…..?

So I’m finding my way back…. and its painful!

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Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

Suprisingly, I’ve made my way back to the blog.

Mondays Scattered thoughts:

I tend to be a person who has conversations with other people in my head. I’m not crazy! or at least I don’t think I am? It usually occurs when I feel resistance or when I see something is wrong. Yesterday I took a little time to sit back and analyze, why the heck am I doing this? I’ve narrowed it down to this.

1. I hate being confrontational

So much of my upbringing was sheltered and dominated. I was the youngest of 3 and boy did I get it, not to mention the only boy, OUCH! On a more serious note, I saw a lot of fighting growing up and paralleled that with things falling apart.

2. I’m too Sensitive

Something I am learning over and over again, is that not everything that happens is because of me nor do I need to make it about me to rationalize my thoughts. I can tend to want to argue for others whom I feel aren’t being taken care of as they should. Call me the fuel to the fire

3. I lack Courage

Some of you that may know me might tend to disagree. I think we all have our moments when we can clearly stand up and be firm about something. But I think courage can be those times when we just let it go.

 

I’m still expanding, still growing, still falling down, still conversing in my head. But its gettin better. Always!

Enjoy

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Scattered thoughts!

I need to go deeper!

but I need someone to walk with me there.

Its hard to connect with people on that type of level.

I need to go on a retreat.

to reconnect myself with purpose.

Solitude scares me.

I need to speak less.

Too much of life is filled with noise (mostly from my own mouth).

Silence and Solitude…. speaks for itself

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Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

For todays Scattered thoughts I wanted to talk about rest. Not just the “lounge in front to the TV while watching a great movie”. I’m talking complete/almost complete RESToration. When I think about it seems unattainable, almost ridiculous notion that I could be rested. Now in college I would sleep for days or at least all day and it was great but thats not rest. I could do nothing all weekend and be joyous for just BEING home, but thats not rest.

Well what is rest then? How do I achieve this goal of what seems to be proper self-managment? Can’t manage time because it is constant and infinite. 

I think somewhere I draw true rest is in spending some ‘Q’ Time with the big man. I notice that when I am not making room for that communion that everything else seems to wear on me so much more. I also find that when I participate in authentic worship I feel that same connectedness.

Matthew 11:28-30

Just some random thoughts…

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Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

For today’s Scattered thoughts: My thoughts on being in solitude and silence>>>

This last weekend my wife left on a work related trip to New Orleans for the weekend. Now at first I was thinking that I was going to make all these plans to fill my weekend (didn’t happen), then I thought I would enjoy and get some reading done (not so much), then I thought I’d get some exercise in (are you kidding me). So early early early friday morning I take Jami to the Ontario airport, say goodbyes and make my drive back to temecula. This was the worst drive ever. 4 in the morning and there was just nothing driving back. Now Usually I enjoy driving by myself, I find it relaxing. But for some reason my head started to think of all the worst possible scenarios. Thats when I needed a timeout. I got home and just crashed for a few hours before work. Friday was just a drag.

Which now brings me to the real topic. That feeling I got when I was driving back home was the feeling of being alone. I was affraid to be in solitude and most importantly I was affraid to be still in the silence. As I reflected on my weekend of nothingness I began to think about all of the moment I had to enter into God. It was as if I kept telling myself there was more time, later, later, later.  And now the weekend is over.

Silence is frightening because it strips us as nothing else does, throwing us upon the stark realities of our life.”
-Dallas Willard, “The Spirit of the Disciplines”

I have been entangled in this culture. I am addicted to noise!

Solitude teaches us that we do not need other people in the way that we usually think we need them. It teaches us that our value is not determined by our usefulness to others

…..

I am finding out that I need to be more disciplined. I need to enter into something bigger than myself and it starts with my willingness to enter into Silence and Solitude. Despite my fear I recognize the importance of entering into the depths.

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Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

For todays Scattered thougthts I was thinking I’d like to talk about death. Random I know…

In light of the recent series we went through at church, I am challeneged to think about the way I live my life and ultimately what death looks like for me. In the shallowest parts of me I contend that I have no real fear of death. Not to say I know exactly what is going to happen the minute I die. But I do know that I made a choice 7 years ago to choose life. To know and be known.

But my contention is not there.  It is in my deepest of depths.  The wrestling of thoughts, ideals, and ultimate satisfaction. There is a lot of junk down there. Which I suppose brings me to my thoughts on death. Simply, I’m really not okay with death. Perhaps it is that I always parallel it with pain. You don’t really ever hear about the people who went peacefully into the night. Another part of the puzzle is that there still so much I want to do/accomplish/experience. To have limited control on my life is a crazy thought. I can take care of myself; eat right, exercise, be disciplined. (Which I need to do anyway) But there is always some danger lurking.

This weekend message was a little difficult to follow. But at the end, a simple demonstration was asked. Too go lay your hands on a coffin and look at where you will someday lie. A little odd to me at first but when I saw an elderly couple walk up there, thats when it hit me. It rocked me to my core.  That look of inevitability on their face I will never forget. In that moment I reminded what Isaiah said:

Isaiah 40:6-8
A voice says, “Cry out.” And I said, “What shall I cry?” “All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the LORD blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever.”

Then this morning I read:

1 John 2:17

“The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”

Still got a lot of shaping to do around these thoughts.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
and things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art; to dust returnest,

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