Archive | Scattered Thoughts RSS feed for this section

Monday’s Scattered thoughts!

30 Jun

For today’s Scattered thoughts I wanted to share with you my fear of perception.

Perceptions have molded me,  well most of me.

They have streched and confined me to be… whatever I felt they wanted me to be.

The problem is not in the changing, but in the end result.

Who am I? Who am I becoming? For whom am I becoming?

Interesting isn’t it? To think you have control but you just give it away

Give it away to your thoughts of what others think.

There are things you cannot control… I don’t care how hard you try

So where do I/we begin?

Simply, with me.

That is where change comes first.

Michael Jackson said it right I suppose.

oh silly man in the mirror! You don’t even know.

….

More to come

 

enjoy!

 

Monday’s Scattered thoughts

24 Jun

For today’s Scattered thoughts I want to share with you a conversation I had with God. It was simple, honest and humbling.

At this particular junction in my life I have to say that I am extremely blessed. A beautiful wife that I have been dreaming of since I was 12 (Crazy HUh!), amazing friends (new and old), and a God that knows when to speak and when to be silent.  

I ended it with a open hearted response/monologue:

I heard HIM speak to me today

Or perhaps I was just ready to listen

“All you have come to know about me is only a fraction”

“But I love you, so let that be enough”


Perhaps my understanding of him will never come in full

But I felt the collapse of his arms around me

“Everything that is happening to you now is only just the beginning”

“But I have plans for you, so let that be enough”

Perhaps my understanding of relationship with God has been infiltrated with doubt.

Doubt of His true existence, doubt of my potential, doubt that I could actually live a life worth living. I grew up thinking it was wrong to have these thoughts. To express them would be blasphemy. Yet in the conclusion of my education, I am faced with a whole new set of standards and responsibilities. My fear is not that I will fail, but maybe more that I will portray the same image I received. Ironic that all the lies I was told have imbedded in the deepest of depths of me. Yet I recognize them and still even deeper is the desire to be more of me (whatever that looks like). For now my goal is to pray. Honestly, sincerely, passionately, kicking and screaming. This is good. Father I know you are there. You know my thoughts, you know my heart. Help me consider my potential, to be the type of person who is in you and you are within me. I want people to see you inside of me, I want people to hear you from the way that I live and speak. Not for my glory but for yours. And when I am frustrated or prone to wander, remind me to listen. Remind me that not everything is so concrete, that things pass and fade away. And when I fade away from you, my your grace embrace all the more. I will run and I will cry, but even in my inaccuracies I know that you will always remain. The constant sun the illuminates my core and exposes it for what it really is. Lack of knowing and being known, the inability to be shown, and the awesomeness of a choice.

Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

19 Jun

For this week I am just going to post up some old writing that I was reading this weekend. Hope you enjoy.

BOLD I WOULD BE:

Waking before dawn would be too bold for me.

To experience a full day of what might seem enjoyable.

Yet there is always this unwanted experience that never happens.

I am convinced otherwise, in anticipation for the unexpected;

Bold I would be

It demands so much more than I feel I can offer

It causes one inspire in the most desperate of times

Even if that causes me to expire

Shivers of brisk winds spread the words of my breath

And it dangles above me, flaunting its furrowed brow

Ah yes to be bold indeed would be like reading a book you wrote that hasn’t even been finished yet. The irony of being bold is that most often then not it comes in the most naked of times.

Bold I would continue to be.

Like a child who continues to be bullied for every last cent, and still he freely gives as it is taken from him.

Hail beats furiously upon those who never take cover and never prepare. Hollow are the souls of those who fill their lives with premature pleasures.

Bold I would be

if I could only see past… me

This is really random. I know!

Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

3 Jun

For today’s Scattered Thoughts I thought I would be a little more random, hence the word “Scattered”.

Jami and I are finally serious about finding a house/condo to buy. With a very steep decline in prices for home we are so excited to begin our search for home to make our own. Now keep in mind we have had some great places to live and some not so grand. I would prefer a condo for now. It’s cheaper, they’re newer, and some offer some really cool amenities (Park, Swimming Pool, Gym). ON the down side, everyone is so close to one another, so no privacy, their may be people below/above you, I want to be able to bust out some music/or play guitar).  I want a house but am hesitant because they are older  (the ones in our price range), need upgrades stat, and can be more to maintain. I don’t know I’m excited but very wary.

I’d love any input.

Also I have been thinking a lot about going back to school. To pursue what? I am torn at the moment. While my passion is to get my M.DIV (Master of Divinity). I also want to go back and get my Masters in Psychology: Counseling & Marriage and Family Therapy. I am torn because I don’t feel any strong pull in one direction. What am I passionate about? I am passionate about God and serving him, that’s about as general as I can get right I suppose. I feel more understanding will come as I submerge myself in reflection/silence & solitude as well as in service through the local church.  So I wait. For an opportunity to present itself/ as well as searching/researching my options and where they can lead.

How did YOU know what you were called to do?

 

Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

28 May

For yesterday I thought I would talk about money!

This weekend my wife and I had my parents over for the weekend and it was quite an event filled weekend. I was a little bummed about the weather but my parents loved the relief of cool/cold weather in response to living in El Centro (AKA Hell Centro).

Well the first day we decided to go out to the Lake Elsinore Outlets (not the greatest of places to shop but its close) and wow my parents went to town. Which brings me to my thoughts. It seems as though we spend so much more money/we think we can or are okay with spending more money when we are surrounded by people that do. No baggin on my parents, they work hard and are very smart with their finances. But Jami and I are defintely not in any place to splurge.

Odd isn’t it? We know where we stand with what we can’t spend but yet something just sweeps over you and want it to. There are lessons to be learned along this path, particularly as we are just youngins in this parade called marriage. So as I rummage through the newly bought things, some of which are needs, I am humbled at the present circumstances and remain hopeful as we try to disassmble/deconstruct what we do know with what we should/need to know.

Where do you find it most difficult to say no/hold back? What successes have you found in your finances?

 

Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

19 May


Today’s Scattered Thoughts is something I have been thinking about for a while now. Four the better part of the last 3 or 4 years I have had quite an assortment of jobs. None of which I felt really connected to. You know those jobs that pay the bills but you know you hate doing it. Or you just feel no fullfillment. Well that has been me in past few years. But I am coming to a sort of crossroads in my thoughts, that it’s not so much what I do to make money, it is the other things outside of that time (work time) that I am not doing (i.e. teaching, reading, exercising, learning, ect.). I dream job would be to do Spiritual Formation for a church/Marriage and Family Therapy. And when I get older I’d like to be a professor. Anywho I realized that with the vast years ahead of me my outlook needed a little tweak. The question I had to ask myself was, What are you doing now to do the things you want to? How are you going to get to that place? Well there is not really an answer for now, but a new/fresh perspective to move forward. So what have I done thus far? Well I am volunteering at church, nothing large but get myself plugged in and perhaps challenge myself in new roles. Also I have commited myself(I’m not very discplined in this area) to getting back into shape both physically and intellectually.
I am encouraged by the fact that I don’t have it all together right now nor have I found the perfect plan of action but it is progression from yesterday and the day before that and so on and so on and so on….

What do you do find meaning in your life? What feeds your soul?

Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

19 May


Today’s Scattered Thoughts is something I have been thinking about for a while now. Four the better part of the last 3 or 4 years I have had quite an assortment of jobs. None of which I felt really connected to. You know those jobs that pay the bills but you know you hate doing it. Or you just feel no fullfillment. Well that has been me in past few years. But I am coming to a sort of crossroads in my thoughts, that it’s not so much what I do to make money, it is the other things outside of that time (work time) that I am not doing (i.e. teaching, reading, exercising, learning, ect.). I dream job would be to do Spiritual Formation for a church/Marriage and Family Therapy. And when I get older I’d like to be a professor. Anywho I realized that with the vast years ahead of me my outlook needed a little tweak. The question I had to ask myself was, What are you doing now to do the things you want to? How are you going to get to that place? Well there is not really an answer for now, but a new/fresh perspective to move forward. So what have I done thus far? Well I am volunteering at church, nothing large but get myself plugged in and perhaps challenge myself in new roles. Also I have commited myself(I’m not very discplined in this area) to getting back into shape both physically and intellectually.
I am encouraged by the fact that I don’t have it all together right now nor have I found the perfect plan of action but it is progression from yesterday and the day before that and so on and so on and so on….

What do you do find meaning in your life? What feeds your soul?

Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

7 Apr


I went to Petco Park for the first time on Saturday to see the Dodgies take on the Padres. (I”m a huge Dodgies Fan) First off, what a beautiful ballpark, the sun was shining perfectly, illuminating this most gorgeous stadium. Unfortunately the dodgies lost but it was a good game.
On to my thoughts: I don’t fully understand the idea behind the die-hard fans. You know those guys that you sit in front of you with their 5th cup of beer and it’s only the 3rd inning and they are screaming and making fun of the other team’s fans in the stands. Well lets just say you get two of those guys, fans of opposing teams, and you put them within a 5-10 person radius. You know something is bound to happen. Needless to say I think it’s ridiculous. THe brut vs. brut mentality. I just don’t get it.
I had a guy sitting in front of me who would keep make comments because I had my dodgers Jersey & hat on. And the only reason I think he said anything was because the Padres were winning. I just laughed, I thought it was funny. I thought to myself who is this guy? Someone take him off the tap.
So with all that said, whats the point?!

Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

7 Apr


I went to Petco Park for the first time on Saturday to see the Dodgies take on the Padres. (I”m a huge Dodgies Fan) First off, what a beautiful ballpark, the sun was shining perfectly, illuminating this most gorgeous stadium. Unfortunately the dodgies lost but it was a good game.
On to my thoughts: I don’t fully understand the idea behind the die-hard fans. You know those guys that you sit in front of you with their 5th cup of beer and it’s only the 3rd inning and they are screaming and making fun of the other team’s fans in the stands. Well lets just say you get two of those guys, fans of opposing teams, and you put them within a 5-10 person radius. You know something is bound to happen. Needless to say I think it’s ridiculous. THe brut vs. brut mentality. I just don’t get it.
I had a guy sitting in front of me who would keep make comments because I had my dodgers Jersey & hat on. And the only reason I think he said anything was because the Padres were winning. I just laughed, I thought it was funny. I thought to myself who is this guy? Someone take him off the tap.
So with all that said, whats the point?!

Monday’s Scattered Thoughts

24 Mar


I am starting a new monday edition of: Scattered Thoughts, unconclusive, most often then not inconsequential jibber jabber.
So withouth further ado:

Last week I was coming out of my office building when I noticed a car that was parked in the handicap zone, not uncommmon right? Well I would have normally just passed by it with out any thought or should I say judgment. Obviously this car had the handicap card swinging from its rearview mirror. But it struck me as odd because this car was not just any car. It was a corvette. So I presume you are all asking what my point is. Well considering the corvette is not the easiest of cars to get in and out of and not to mention lacks room for passengers to sit comfortably, as it was constructed right? So do you see my point? Wouldn’t you think that if someone has a handicap stickermabob that they would require them to have a car to get in and out of.
I say all of this with the understanding that you can pretty much get a handicap sticker for about anything. But still it just bothered me. I’m sure it still will when I see that car just parked there.

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.